Robert Pattinson Confirmed To Play Every New DC Hero

With the obvious and unanimous uproar of support for the recent casting of Robert Pattinson in the role of The Batman, DC/Warner Bros. has decided to lean into the excitement and simply make Pattinson the lead in each new DCEU film they produce going forward.

Said executive vice president of casting affairs, Johann Filcher, “We simply are overwhelmed with how much support this casting decision has received from the fan community and as everyone knows: every decision we make is completely driven by fan petitions and twitter uproars and not by sound financial decisions or the specific abilities and talents of anyone involved in the production. I mean, why would we use any kind of creative judgement or try anything artistic when we can just bow to the random and yet never disparate ideas of the collective fans.”

Filcher went on to confirm that Pattinson will be the new Clark Kent in Man of Steel 2 scheduled to begin production when The Batman finishes… and also as Hal Jordan in the Green Lantern reboot, scheduled for release in 2022 as well as Plastic Man who will cameo in the next Shazam film. “While we were at it,” Filcher said, “We’ve decided to replace Zachary Levi with Pattinson in that film as well, which means he’ll actually be playing two roles at once. Which we know fans will absolutely adore.”

Said Pattinson himself, “I can’t wait to play Lobo.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *